Trump to Buy Black Lives Matter

Trump Buys Black Lives MFFE

NEW YORK – Trump Industries announced it has entered into an Agreement of Sale to purchase the controversial activist group Black Lives Matter.

“This is huge, I tell you,” Trump said. “While the media and Crooked Hillary are trying to put out leaked email fires, we’re connecting with African Americans, because that’s what we do every day.”

Trump said his heart melted when he saw the group’s “ragtag website.”

“The first thing we are going to do is build them a real website and we’re going to make Mexico pay for it,” said Trump. “It will be one of those sites that make you want to come back for more. You’ll be able to watch up-to-date videos of protests and all kinds of stuff on it. Everyone’s going to love it.”

Ivanka Trump, Donald Trump’s daughter, will serve as Black Lives Matter CEO.

“I am honored in my own way, and my own sheer force of will to sacrifice greatly to enter the Black Lives Matter thing as an outsider,” Ivanka told reporters. “For more than a year, Donald Trump has been the people’s champion. And now he’s become the champion of all people regardless of color. I am proud to join my father in this endeavor.”

Ivanka Trump’s responsibilities include raising money at various yacht clubs and other posh establishments throughout the country from “white people with means who want to help.”

“Like many of my fellow millennials, I do not consider myself categorically black or white,” Ivanka continued. “I just know I am an American and from what I read in college, so are other races.”

“That girl, she is something, isn’t she?” Trump remarked. “We, Ivanka, Black Lives Matter, everybody who is with us, we are going to make America great again. Crooked Hillary, however, is doing nothing for that race except shoot fire from her mouth like a dragon. We are putting our skin in the game.”

Pointing to Clinton and her husband’s former membership at an all-white country club, Trump said he has always “given blacks all kinds of jobs.”

“While she and Bill were golfing at a restricted country club, I was giving African Americans all kinds of work in my resorts,” Trump said. “You name it, from busboy, to dishwasher, to bellhop, we kept bringing them in. All this while Hill and Bill were hopping about the all-white golf course with Muff and Uncle Biff.

“Sad. Sad,” he added, shaking his head in disgust.

 

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