Transgender Lobby: Change White House spouse title to “First Person”

 

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Citing unfairness to their feelings as well as the civil rights of millions of Americans, The National Center for Gender Equality has issued a statement indicating its leadership is a bit miffed that the title for a U.S. President’s spouse remains “First Lady.”

“It’s not fair, it’s just not fair!” said Mara Keisling, Executive Director for the National Center for Transgender Equality. “We believe the title should be ‘First Person’ so the President’s partner is not pinned down to a title, particularly if she or he, or both, like as in ‘we,’ might change gender roles upon occasion or daily like our intern Pat.”

In a sit down interview, CNN’s Anderson Cooper asked if Keisling if the call for changing the title is because she foresees a “First Husband” in the White House after the General Election.

“Well,” Keisling said, pensively rolling her eyes toward the ceiling, tapping her right cheek with her forefinger, “you know, I just wouldn’t be surprised. As a nonprofit 501 (c) (3), we cannot endorse any candidate or anything political like that. But I have to say, and am empowered to say, Hillary is the only candidate who has expressed total support for transgender men, or men pretending to be transgender, to go into public restrooms that little girls and women use.”

Letting out a belly laugh and playfully slapping Cooper on the knee, Keisling said, “Did you like how I used the word empower, Anderson? I just love using that word whenever I interview! It’s really so much of who I am.”

Neither Keisling nor Cooper could be reached at press time to confirm which sex they were during the interview.

The Modern Language Association (MLA) opposes the title change. In a statement, MLA President K. Anthony Appiah said that “First Person” has already been designated as a classification of pronouns, possessive determiners, and verb forms, according to whether they indicate the speaker first person, the addressee second person, or a third party third person.”

Appaiah could not be reached at press time to confirm whether he favored vowels over consonants and to give comment on why he abbreviates his first name.

The National Center for Transgender Equality’s website states, however, that all components of language have a right to equality and should be treated the same and should be permitted to become any form, tense, or part of speech they feel they were truly created to represent.

 

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