Ryan: Trump Stirred Feelings In Me

Ryan Trump Tryin'

House Speaker and Presumptive Republican Nominee Trump Bond During Meeting

Washington—Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump and House Speaker Paul Ryan held their highly anticipated meeting Thursday amid signals that the Republican Party will work to unite.

What some may consider a more interesting takeaway was Ryan’s shift in what he called “feelings” for Trump.

“We were honest about our few differences, but most importantly, we bonded over our similarities, to include our personal feelings,” Ryan said. “I’m not sure what has come over me. I have never felt this way about another man. I wish I could explain it better. I think whatever is stirring inside of me drove my initial resistance toward Trump. Perhaps I have contracted Trump appeal.”

Paul Ryan: Time, Love and Tenderness

Ryan, speaking with reporters during his weekly press briefing, sought to portray his personal and political openness to Trump, despite withholding what sources close to the speaker say will be his imminent endorsement.

“This is our first meeting, I was very encouraged, but this is a process,” Ryan said. “Because love is a process, and honey, love is love. It takes some time. You don’t put it together in 45 minutes any more than you would get married after the first date. However, I fully understand Democrats will hop in the sack minutes after meeting each other, which is why America is plagued with sexually transmitted diseases.”

Ryan Moves Closer to Trump’s Platform

The speaker called Trump’s achievement of earning more votes than any Republican candidate in history “really kind of unparalleled and somewhat sexy.” He added that perhaps this demonstrates Trump’s idea to keep Islamic terrorists out of the country is “not such a bad idea since we have enough people here anyway.”

Ryan said he hopes to channel the momentum for the presumptive nominee into support for a conservative agenda as well as a deep and meaningful relationship with the billionaire.

“The question is … how we unify it all?” Ryan said. “And where do broken hearts go? How do we keep adding and adding and adding voters while not subtracting any voters. Most Americans and London’s Islamic mayor do not like where this country is headed.”

Trump tweeted his thoughts during an act of marriage with his wife Melania as their plane taxied on the runway before taking off for New York, “Great day in D.C. with @SpeakerRyan and Republican leadership. Things working out really well! #MrsTrump’sRump.”

“I thought it was a great meeting,” Trump said in a Thursday evening Fox News interview with Sean Hannity. “Size does matter, by the way, just like Marco mentioned during the debates. Speaker Ryan’s ears are huge! And I like that.”

Trump suggested the two sides would eventually come together, even if that means they must come grooving up slowly.

Democratic presidential frontrunner Hillary Clinton tweeted, “@realDonaldTrump has got to be a joker, he just do what he please.”


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