Pence Blows Kidney Stone at Convention

 

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Trump’s running mate and Indiana governor Mike Pence is recovering from passing a kidney stone Monday.

The incident occurred during a mic check backstage with CNN’s Anderson Cooper. Pence is reported to have started sweating profusely from his brow and biting his lip just as Cooper began testing his collar microphone.

Holding his groin with one hand, Pence pushed himself off his stool and hobbled off to the men’s room. Focused on his mic check, Cooper did not witness the incident and initially thought nothing of Pence’s absence.

Approximately 15 minutes later, Pence collapsed on the bathroom floor in a stall.

Pence’s fall tripped on his microphone, which some believe was a miracle that may have saved his life. After the governor’s mic turned on, the entire stage crew including Cooper heard Pence’s pained groans and panting.

“At first I thought we were hearing a cow giving birth to twins,” Cooper later told his viewers.

Pence’s pained yelps grew louder, throwing everyone into confusion as the stage area was not in the immediate vicinity of the restroom.

A union technician returning from a cigarette break traced the sound to the men’s room. Cooper and several of the stage crew dashed to the scene.

Sighting the governor squirming underneath the stalls, Cooper crawled underneath to help. To prevent the governor from striking his head against the porcelain toilet, Cooper gently pushed Pence out of the stall to safety.

“Will someone call 911 for crying out loud?” Pence screamed. “I’m passing a damned kidney stone!”

“Governor, would you like me to hold you or massage where it hurts until help arrives?” Cooper offered.

“This is no time to be cracking your stinking LGBT jokes!” the governor replied.

“I’m just trying to help,” Cooper said. “As a gay man, I know what it’s like to feel pain most people don’t suffer.”

Paramedics took Pence to a nearby hospital where he reportedly passed the stone approximately two hours after his arrival.

The Emergency Room physician prescribed Pence narcotic painkillers in the event another lingering stone passes.

Pence said he plans to save the drugs to numb the pain of having to listen to a bunch of Republican blowhards as they give their nomination speeches.

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