Port Clinton, NJ—John Kramer is fed up with state and federal laws that prohibit the use of marijuana for recreational use and plans on doing something about it.
“There are people out there getting robbed and mugged and cops are wasting valuable taxpayer dollars patrolling around looking for the little guy with a dime bag or a joint,” Kramer said at a press conference held today at his mobile home.
“I’m calling on the federal government to step up to the plate and make marijuana legal,” he said. “You did it for the homos and they’re taking over the world. And that was a good thing, I guess. I mean, it’s more girls for me anyway. Let them do what they want as long as I don’t have to see or hear it, although I suspect those guys two trailers down from mine are a pair of queers. They been living together as far as I can recall, so you know something’s got to be going down. And it’s probably them on each other. Not that there’s nothing wrong with that, I suppose.”
When asked by a reporter to shut up and get back on track, Kramer says he believes that most of the country agrees with him.
“I’m not running for president or nothing, but I’ll be dang damned if anyone’s gonna tell me I can’t smoke no dope on my porch while these neighbors of mine are allowed to go round and grease up the back door,” he continued.
“Ain’t nobody getting hurt smoking a joint while there’s fellas driving around drunk causing all kinds of wrecks,” he said.
A reporter asked Kramer if he might be a little critical given that it was 10 am and he was already on his third Pabst Blue Ribbon since the media began to arrive.
“You’re derrivating from muh dag-on talkin’ points,” Kramer snapped. “The facts of the matters is we need to get these laws passed so people can get high if that’s what they need to enjoy life. You ain’t seen no dope smoking hippies starting fights like you do with them fellers at the bar all punching each other out over some fat biker girl with a messed up tattoo on her left boob, now do you?”
Kramer concluded that he’s saving up for a computer to start a GoFundMe account to raise awareness that marijuana should be legalized.