As President Trump begins his first full day in the Oval Office, U.S. Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-Massachusetts) has begun her path to becoming the 2o2o Democratic presidential nominee.
Warren announced she is a man trapped inside a woman’s body.
“I do not consider myself a lesbian or transsexual, it’s just some kind of biological thing,” Warren said. “And, I really have no sexual desire at all. I just am.”
“I consider it a gift,” Warren continued. “Being top heavy on the testosterone side gave me the strength to battle Trump on Twitter.”
Warren said due to her facial and vocal composure people often mistake her for being male.
“I’m used to it,” Warren said. “Wherever I travel people greet me as Mr. Warren, phone operators call me ‘sir’, and my husband sleeps in the other room.”
Warren is a strong advocate for the LGBTQ community. She sees her manliness as advantageous when reaching out to that group.
“Being a lady that looks like a dude has its advantages, especially as you know the ladies room line is longer at ball games,” Warren said. “So I just skedaddle on over to the men’s room, grab a stall, and squat. Nobody knows the difference otherwise.”
Elizabeth Warren Accused of Holding a “Publicity Stunt”
Rightwing theorists such as Breibart News were quick to condemn Warren’s remarks as an attempt to help Bruce “Caitlyn Jenner” renegotiate his contract after his show “I am Cait” was canceled. Several news sources and polling agencies indicated people were just too grossed out over a former male who is a presumed Olympic star and confirmed cereal box hero parading around as a lady.
“This whole tranny thing has gone too far and I’m glad to see that America is slowly returning to normality,” Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said during an interview with Fox News.
McConnell represents Kentucky, one of the few states in which whipping gays tied to telegraph poles remains legal.
McConnell let out a belly laugh when asked about Warren’s recent announcement.
“I’m not going to comment on that nut’s publicity stunt,” McConnell said. “Hillary used Lizzie up and then threw her away when she named that chubby guy from Virginia as her VP candidate. Warren is nothing more than an attention-seeking missile. She will say or do anything to keep herself in the press, especially now that she has her eye on running against President Trump in 2020. Next thing you know she’ll claim she still gets her period.”
A statement from Warren’s office referred to McConnell as “a rightwing evangelical douchebag who’s heading toward a nervous breakdown because he’s about to lose his job when the Democrats sweep the senate in 2018.”
McConnell replied, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, and Warren’s face will always hurt me.”