Clinton Banks on LGBT Currency

Americans will soon be able to withdrawal gay dollars at ATMs.

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton plans to continue her predecessor’s move to change the face of money.

Clinton announced during a recent campaign rally that she will put the final stamp of “all-inclusiveness” into American currency.

“If I am fortunate to be elected president, and I don’t see how I won’t be, I am going ask Treasury Secretary Lew to inscribe pioneers of the LGBT community both on dollars and coinage,” Clinton said.

Clinton granted CNN’s Anderson Cooper an exclusive interview about her proposal after the rally.

“As an openly gay man, I’m delighted that you intend to represent my community,” Cooper said, as he wiped a tear with his shirt cuff. “Which denominations you have in mind?”

“Well, Anderson, all my life I have heard homophobic members of Trump’s basket of deplorables refer to gays as ‘queerer than a three dollar bill,’’ Clinton said. “So my first target is to kill this insult by establishing a three dollar bill featuring a gay man.”

“I’m also targeting Ben Franklin, on the one hundred dollar bill,” she continued. “He reminds me too much of Trump: a fat philanderer who thinks he knows it all.”

“And on coinage?” Cooper asked.

“Washington,” Clinton said. “We don’t need him on the one-dollar bill and the quarter. “So since we can’t change the fact that he was the first president, we’ll leave him on the dollar, and scrap him on the quarter.”

When asked about candidates from the LGBT community she would like to put on coins, Clinton said she’s narrowing down to a short list.

“I am considering Robert Reed, the great gay man who portrayed Mike Brady,” Clinton said. “It just doesn’t get more American than the Brady bunch, now that the Cosby show can no longer be a consideration.”

“Your husband Bill might disagree with you on that point,” Cooper said. “So who ranks at the top of your list for lesbians?”

“Without question, Lizzie Borden,” Clinton replied. “Not only was she accused of heinous crimes she did not commit—something I can personally relate to—she was a lesbian at a time when women’s suffrage was getting its legs.”

“And Lizzie rhymes with lezzie, so what a fit is that?” Clinton said, squawking out a high-pitched bout of laughter.

“What an honor for the LGBT community,” Cooper said. “I know it would mean so much to my mom if I were nominated for gay currency.”

“Well, Anderson, one must be deceased before he or she can be inscribed on currency,” Clinton said. “You’d have to be a reporter for Fox News to be eligible during my presidency.”


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2 thoughts on “Clinton Banks on LGBT Currency

  1. No shock what so ever. If elected, this idiot will have a list to fill for special interest group’s. These type of thing’s will be pressing issues for this corrupt liar. Welcome to Clinton’s (Third World America).