Clinton Birther Fury: “I’ll Scratch Trump’s Eyes Out!”

Clinton Threatens to Scratch out Trump's Eyes

PERTH AMBOY, NJ — Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump recently accused Hillary Clinton of starting the “birther” rumor that says Barack Obama was not born in the United States.

“Clinton started the birther movement and I ended it,” Trump told reporters.

Clinton quickly pounced on Trump’s remarks with unbridled fury.

“Trump thinks his birther lies can mobilize inbreeds and rednecks from Pennsylvania, West Virginia, and the like, but he has another thing coming,” she said.

“The presidency is no longer an all-boy’s club, and I can play just as tough,” Clinton told a cheering crowd at a New Jersey rally.

“I’ll scratch his eyes out faster than his wife can plagiarize Michelle Obama,” Clinton added.

During a post-rally interview, CNN’s Anderson Cooper asked Clinton if she was advocating violence against Trump.

“You know, Anderson, Donald started this nonsense,” Clinton said. “The American people want a president who is both experienced and respected throughout the world. I’m the man for the job.”

“Woman,” Cooper corrected.

“Well, yes, but I was just showing deference to your status as a celebrity homosexual,” Clinton said. “I feel your pain, your angst, and your frustrations. I will be America’s first LGBT president as my husband was America’s first black president as Toni Morrison named him.”

Trump was quick to weigh in on Clinton’s threat to scratch his eyes out.

“People should take Crooked Hillary’s comments very seriously as she and her husband Bill are pros at qualifying their enemies for postage stamp status,” Trump said.

“By the time she disarms innocent Americans, everyone will have to resort to eye scratching in order to defend their families against intruders,” Tump added.

When asked about Clinton’s attack on Melania, Trump quipped, “I’m married to the most beautiful woman in the world. Hillary is a sweat hog momma with a face like a gent. No wonder Bill’s get up and go got up and went everywhere other than near her.”

Cooper reportedly left the set shaking his head muttering, “I’m getting to old for this crap.”

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