Target Stores to Host “Take a Tranny to Work Day”

Target stores across America prepare to celebrate the Transsexual Community

Target stores across America prepare to celebrate the Transsexual Community

Two years ago, Target began to allow customers to use the restroom of their choice. And now, Target has taken the measure one step further.

Target has designated February 2 as “Take A Tranny to Work Day.” The event is expected to cast a shadow on Groundhog Day and will be held at all Target locations throughout the United States.

Target CEO Brian Cornell said, “Forget the groundhogs and bring out the horndogs! This is an important measure to demonstrate Target’s support for the LGBT community.”

Cornell estimates that nearly 80 percent of Target’s employees are transsexual or know someone who is.

“Most Americans know at least one gender-confused person,” Cornell said. “Plus, many Millennials feel they either have to be a transsexual or gay to be cool. The numbers this target market represents are outstanding. We need to be more inclusive, celebratory, and eager to learn from this amazing transsexual subculture.”

Transsexuals will get a firsthand view of how the store operates and how associates interact with customers. The transsexuals will tour the men’s and ladies’ rooms and enjoy the opportunity to sample each restroom’s unique apparatuses.

“I can’t wait to squat into a men’s urinal,” said Janelle Kepler, a college junior who recently realized that she is a man. “I’m not going to get a sex change—not yet at least—so it will be exciting to test my aim on the men’s toilet.”

Hein E. Reamers of New Hope, Pa is ecstatic even though he says he’s temporarily heterosexual.

“I’m thrilled senseless that I can pretend to be a tranny,” Reamers said. “I cannot wait to get an eyeful of the delightful in the ladies room. I applaud Target for giving perverts like myself views of naked women and pedophiles access to their prey.”

Target plans to provide the visiting trannies 25% discounts on items intended for the opposite sex.

“There will be something for everyone,” Cornell said. “Just remember to bring the kiddies!”

This article is just one of many satire pieces found in the Amazon Best Selling Book Memoirs of A Nation Gone Nuts: A Satirical Review of Election 2016.

Yoga Chicks are Easy, Study Finds


yoga easy

If you have not yet found your heart’s desire, perhaps you’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places.

One globally respected organization hints that while some still seek the opposite sex at bars during happy hours, searching for the same at yoga studios is more likely to result in happy endings.

A new survey from the Pew Charitable Trusts entitled “Yoga Chicks are Easy” reveals that women who are active yoga participants are four times as likely to jump into instant romantic relationships than those who are not.

The survey found a driving need for attention to be a dominant link between yoga and promiscuity.

“Yoga girls typically post pictures of themselves in various poses so that their social media friends will think they’ve actually mastered something important,” noted Carolyn Crier, Ph.D, who chairs the Perelman School of Medicine at the University of Pennsylvania.

“There is no question these women are attention-seeking missiles,” added Sandy Hotchkiss, author of Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism. “They put on an act as if they are so cool, but are really nothing more than insecure girls whose tender little emotional minds live and die based upon what other people think.”

“There is a common misconception among college age girls and housewives that if you stuff your cellulite-ridden buttocks into a pair of yoga pants, you’re going to look hot,” said John Nelson, author of An Introvert’s Guide to Attracting Women “Nothing could be furthest from the truth. All this does is set off hormonal signals within men who are happy to fry any fish they can catch.”

Nelson adds the men these women attract are “here today, gone later today.”

“In fact, I wouldn’t really label them men,” Nelson said. “Perpetual adolescents would make a better bet fit. Back in the day, it wasn’t the kill, but the thrill of the chase that real men sought. Today’s loser wants to meet a girl, get her in bed, then take off in his fart-can adorned Honda Civic to the next ditz who believes she’s his one and only. These guys usually wear baseball caps backwards and follow the beard trend, indicating they too are insecure.”

Dr. Crier cautions us not to be too harsh in our judgment of yoga chicks.

“After all, like anything in life, it all boils down to mating,” Crier said. “Yoga chicks who often coin the term ‘Namaste’ are basically saying ‘the egg in me digs the sperm in you.’”

“There is no question that yoga plays an important role in keeping the earth populated,” she said.