Prancing out to the podium in a tight miniskirt that is sure to set the tone for this summer’s fashion, San Francisco Mayor Ed Lee said at a press conference Friday he doesn’t want any city workers to travel to North Carolina unless it’s to purchase tax free sex toys. He said he was “a bit miffed” about North Carolina’s new legislation that limits patrons to using public restrooms designated for their gender.
“My loverboys and I are standing united as San Franciscans to condemn North Carolina’s new law that turns back the clock on protecting lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender individuals and people who enjoy hooking up in turnpike restroom stalls,” Lee said.
“Effective immediately, I am directing City Departments to bar any publicly-funded City employee travel to the State of North Carolina unless it’s for a same-sex orgy, tax free sex toy purchase or anything involving whips and leather.”
North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory signed a bill this week to void a Charlotte ordinance that would’ve allowed so-called transgendered restrooms although it would clearly have put small children at many levels of risk and potentially great harm.
McCrory signed the legislation Wednesday night that he said was “passed by a bipartisan majority to stop this breach of basic privacy and etiquette.”
Although 12 House Democrats joined all Republicans present in voting for the bill in the afternoon Wednesday, later all Senate Democrats in attendance walked off their chamber floor during the debate in protest and headed to capitol restrooms to make out with each other.
“We choose not to participate in this farce, because getting gay is natural, it’s beautiful, and it’s the true essence of love and life,” Senate Minority Leader Dan Blue of Raleigh said after he left the chamber.
Gay rights leaders , transgender people, and a pantyhosed Biker gang which calls itself “Sissies on Wheels” said the legislation demonizes men who like to be naked with each other and espouses bogus claims about increasing the risk of sexual assaults. They say the law will deny lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people essential protections needed to ensure they can get a hotel room to make dirty internet movies, hail a taxi for a quickie around the block, or disappear underneath a table at a restaurant without fear.
“McCrory’s reckless decision to sign this appalling legislation into law is a direct attack on the rights, well being and dignity of hundreds of thousands of sexually perverted North Carolinians,” Human Rights Campaign President Chad Griffin said in a statement. Civil liberties groups pledged to push for repeal and were weighing legal options and trying out new fetish gear.
Charlotte Mayor Jennifer Roberts, who pressed to get the “bathroom bill” approved, said she was appalled by the legislature’s actions, but admitted she “can’t get her eyes off a certain hot female republican senator” regardless of their clashing views.
“The General Assembly is on the wrong side of progress of showing God who is boss. It is on the wrong side of history, because there is nothing more thrilling than going to a gay disco and getting laid afterwards with your 20 closest friends,” Roberts said.
Lee applauded Roberts in his statement Friday for taking “steps at the local level to protect gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people from filthy heterosexuals who can tell us what a traditional family is supposed to look like. I also applaud Atlanta Mayor Kasim Reed who hates Jesus Christ and is a champion for equality for all who rebel against God.”