BREAKING NEWS: JILL STEIN WANTS SUPER BOWL RECOUNT

Green Party Leader Says Game Was Rigged

HOUSTON–Well, there she goes again. Former Green Party presidential candidate Dr. Jill Stein is demanding a recount of Super Bowl LI, in which the New England Patriots defeated the Atlanta Falcons 34-28.

Holding a press conference outside the NRG Stadium in Houston, Texas, Stein expressed concerns about whether the referees were influenced by the Russians as they made their calls.

“Atlanta had a 28-3 lead midway through the third quarter,” Stein said. “There is no way the so-called Patriots are the real winners.”

“The  American people have seen far too many shenanigans in how scores are tabulated in important events,” Stein said. “With Trump in the White House, I’m super-concerned that the outcome of the Super Bowl has been rigged, especially with a bogus overtime maneuver that never happened in the history of the Super Bowl.”

President Trump was quick to issue a statement.

“This call for yet another recount is just a way for Jill Stein, who received less than one percent of the presidential vote overall and wasn’t even on the ballot in many states, to fill her coffers with money, most of which she will never even spend on this ridiculous recount,” Trump said.

He continued, “This is a scam by the Green Party. The results of this Super Bowl should be respected instead of being challenged and abused, which is exactly what Jill Stein is doing.”

Stein replied that the President’s remarks are “hogwash” and “reflect the insecurities of a man with little hands and other particular organs.”

In other news, angry protesters in Atlanta were seen with picket signs that said, “NOT MY SUPER BOWL CHAMPS.”

Jill Stein Demands Recount Of Army/Navy Score

by Hugh Jashol

Professional rabble-rouser and one-time serious political contender Jill Stein is back in the spotlight again after Army’s upset victory over Navy in the annual Army/Navy football game, which Army won convincingly yesterday with a score of 21-15.*

Army/Navy 2016:  “I demand a recount!”

Stein, perhaps best known for raising $7 million by demanding a recount in an election she never had a chance of winning, is now demanding a recount of a different sort:

“Look, everyone knows that Navy was supposed to win this game.  Navy is ALWAYS supposed to win,” she explained.  “With the Army out there, you know, fighting all the wars for the last 15 years and the Navy just floating around in their boats or whatever, it’s only natural that Navy has more time to play with balls and get captured by the Iranians.”

“There’s no way Army could have beat Navy on their own.  Army may have won the electoral score, but they are way, way behind in the popular score.  I’m hoping that if we can get some of the game electors to change their votes, we can still give Navy the victory the nation needs right now.  And that’s why I’m officially demanding a recount.”

Stein insists that “this is what’s good for America,” and that this is in no way about the money, despite the fact that she raised more money for a Clinton recount than she raised for her own election.  She also told Article 107 News that she suspected “dark forces” were at work during the game:

“First of all, Trump was there at the game, so you know the Russians were involved,” she added conspiratorially.  “I heard the Russians wanted Army to win, and they leaked negative information about Navy, like them backing out of this year’s Army/Navy Boxing Classic.”

“Although there is no evidence that Russian meddling affected the outcome of the Army/Navy game, or the outcome of the election, the mere fact that they favored one side forever taints the outcome.  A cheer for Army is a cheer for Russia.  West Point, why do you hate America?”

In a post-victory press release issued by West Point, Army head coach Jeff Monken addressed the recount controversy head on, saying that he expects the recount to uncover scores of undocumented Air Force players who illegally scored points for Navy.

We reached out to Army for comment, but they said they are too busy fighting the wars in Iraq, Syria, Afghanistan and preparing for their bowl game to respond to Article 107 News.

Maybe after next year’s victory.

Article first published at www.article107news.com