Buzzwords Land Candidate an Executive-Level Job Offer

buzzword ron

LabelPower, Inc., a global manufacturer of industrial battery labels has named Ronald Gelb as the company’s National Sales Manager. He will work out of a shared cubicle space at LabelPower’s Perth Amboy, New Jersey headquarters.

Gelb most recently worked as an assistant manager at Best Buy in Boston, Massachusetts. Prior to that, he held a number of assistant retail jobs in various malls and shopping centers throughout New England.

Competition was extremely competitive as approximately 35 candidates applied for the position.

The process took nearly 10 months to complete as the search committee needed to work around qualified candidates’ schedule conflicts, which included children’s band practice, sporting events, and job interviews with other companies.

“We were willing to be patient with the candidates’ priorities and were grateful for their honesty,” said LabelPower spokeswoman Charlotte Gladfelter. “In the past, we had sales managers who stole sales leads from their staff, lied about being sick whether or not they showed up to work, and gave LabelPower refrigerator magnets to family members instead of prospective customers.”

Sources close to the search committee indicated that Gelb was not always in the lead for the position, and in fact, was often trailing other candidates.

“It wasn’t until the ninth interview that we knew for certain that Ron was the one,” the source disclosed. “But just like in a good horse race, sometimes a guy wins by a whisker.”

When asked why candidates were subjected to so many interviews, the source explained, “As executives, we are never really sure about what we want and are often unable to make simple decisions such as filling positions that have high turnover due to the way we treat people. Plus, it makes us feel important when we see these desperate men and women return time and again to face the same questions and take repetitive drug screening tests.”

The source also said the decision to select Gelb came down to buzzwords and clichés, something LabelPower considers a best practice.

“Ron used more buzzwords more times with more passion than any other candidate,” the source said. “He said all the right things such as ‘onboarding, high level, the ball being in our court, the workload he anticipated having on his plate, how he would touch base from the road,’ – you name it, Ron said it. He had a buzzword that struck a chord with each member of our search committee, which more than sufficiently made up for the myriad of gaps on his resume.”

“But there was one thing that got our collective motors running,” the source continued. “He began summarizing his qualifications with saying, ‘at the end of the day…’ That was the magic moment that had us all convinced that we had found our National Sales Manager. People who often say ‘at the end of the day’ sound important—they verbally paint a portrait of that peaceful evening feeling of a job well done. It also makes them sound smart. We’re counting on Ron to train our entire sales staff to say ‘at the end of the day’ at least twice during sales presentations, and during intimate moments with their spouses.”

Gelb told a reporter in a telephone interview that he was delighted to be selected for the position and would be rendering a decision as soon as LabelPower’s top competitor let him know if they would bring him onboard for a dollar more an hour than the search committee’s offer.

“At the end of the day, it all boils down to dollars,” Ron said.buzzword ron